Living in the Moment

If you read any book or article on culture shock, it will usually talk about how there is an initial honeymoon phase when the thrill of the new life is there and there is much excitement because you are finally living where you have been preparing to go for so long. Well, most experts will say that this wears off by around the 5-6 month mark. Things aren't new and exciting anymore, and often times there are a lot of little things about your new culture that can get under your skin (like traffic jams, pollution, noise, difficulty to get things done in a timely manner etc.). On top of that, usually you still don't know enough language to feel accomplished and you haven't really begun to enter into any "significant" work or ministry yet. Well, that pretty much sums up where I've been the last few days. If I am completely honest with myself, I'd say that I didn't think it would happen to me. After all, I've traveled to India a lot and I know what to expect. Ha...Talking to an expatriate at church today he said, "it happens to everyone, every time."

How it's manifested in me this week has mostly been with increased irritation and impatience with my children, more irritation with trying to accomplish day-to-day tasks, and a longing for the peacefulness and beauty of spring in America (contrasted with 95-100 degrees with lots of humidity). All this is not to say that I'm at wits end or falling apart. The grace in it all, is that as my flesh longs for the comforts of home and seeks solace in other things, God continues to pursue me with his love. I see in this time a ripe opportunity to have another layer of self-trust peeled away and to find the life that "is truly life indeed."

The struggle is in part due to a lack of regular engagement in some type of seemingly "fruitful" labor. Language study just isn't that immediately rewarding and I am and will be for months seeking to discern what the practical work I will do here will be. That said, I think one lesson to learn more deeply in this is that my worth or identity is not in what I have accomplished each day, but rather it is in resting in Him and in His love in each moment.

I'm working my way through one of our required readings for our first term. It's called Community and Growth" by Jean Vanier. In it he writes the following:

"Daily life is only nourishing when we have discovered the wisdom of the present moment and the presence of God in small things. It is only nourishing when we have given up fighting reality and accept it, discovering the message and gift of the moment. If we see housework or cooking simply as chores which have to be got through, we will get tired and irritable; we will not be able to see the beauty around us. But if we discover that we live with God and our brothers and sisters through what has to be done in the present moment, we become peaceful. We stop looking to the future; we take time to live. We are no longer in a hurry because we have discovered that there is a gift and grace in the present of the book-keeping, the meetings, the chores" and the language learning and the caring for the children.

I long to learn to walk in the grace of each moment in submission to what this season of life is and to what He has called me to, enjoying each day that comes.